Finding Financial Clarity After Losing a Spouse
Mary was 62 when her husband passed away suddenly. He had always been the “CFO” of the household, the one who dealt with their investments, pensions, and taxes. Mary was left with a folder of account statements she didn’t understand and an advisor she barely knew.
When Mary asked that advisor about withdrawing money to renovate her kitchen, she was told it might “not be wise” and that she should “consider waiting.” Mary left that meeting in tears. It felt like she was asking for permission to use her own money.
Eventually, she came to me. We walked through her finances together: CPP survivor benefits, her OAS, a small pension, and their RRSPs and TFSAs. It turned out she had more than enough income to cover her lifestyle and the renovation.
The numbers gave her peace of mind, but what she really valued was the conversation itself. She told me it was the first time she felt listened to, the first time she felt like she was the client.
Mary went ahead with her kitchen project. She also booked a trip to Italy with her daughter, something she had always dreamed of doing. The money was there all along. What she needed was clarity, and someone in her corner to reassure her that she could move forward.
Your Financial Next Steps After the Loss of a Partner
Losing a spouse is devastating. The grief takes centre stage, and everything else feels like noise. Yet the day-to-day bills keep coming, the RRIF withdrawals don’t pause, and questions about money pile up quickly. Who do I call? Where do I start? Can I afford to stay in my home?
I’ve worked with a lot of widows, and the first thing they usually want is not a spreadsheet. They want someone to talk to. Someone who listens and helps them make sense of what comes next.
Too often, the experience they had with their old advisor was the opposite. Clients have told me they felt disempowered, like they had to ask permission to use their own money. One widow said she dreaded phoning her advisor because she felt judged for wanting to take money out of “her” portfolio.
That is a big reason why research consistently shows the majority of widows change advisors within the first year or two after their spouse’s death. In Canada, some studies peg it as high as 80 percent. And when you think about it, it makes sense. If the advisor always directed their attention to the husband and never bothered to build a relationship with the wife, why would she stick around after he’s gone? Women want and deserve an equal seat at the table.
The other side of widowhood is something researchers have noticed but the headlines rarely capture. While men often describe their wife as their best and only close friend, women tend to have broader social networks. They have friendships, hobbies, community groups. That matters. Studies have shown that widows often fare better than widowers when it comes to long-term health and happiness. It is not that the loss hurts any less. It is that women tend to have more social and emotional support outside the marriage.
I sometimes share this perspective with clients who feel overwhelmed and alone. I remind them that they already have a support system, whether that is children, siblings, friends, or community connections.
Part of moving forward is not just getting the finances in order, but also leaning into those relationships and interests. Money is one part of the puzzle, but it is not the whole picture.
Where money is concerned, the first step is simply understanding what you have.
Income from CPP survivor benefits, OAS, pensions, or RRIFs. Savings in a TFSA, RRSP, or non-registered account. Your ongoing expenses and any debts.
For many widows I meet, this is the first time they have seen the full picture. One client broke down in relief when she realized her income was more than enough to cover her lifestyle. She went from lying awake at night worried about running out of money, to booking a family trip she had been putting off for years.
Once the numbers are clear, the question becomes how you want to manage things going forward. Some widows want the guidance of an advice-only planner who can show them what is possible while leaving the investments in their own hands. Others prefer to learn and take control themselves, often using a robo-advisor to automate the investing side. The common thread is a desire for control and transparency. No more gatekeeping, no more asking for permission.
I also see a lot of caution around spending and giving. Many widows are afraid to spend because they fear running out of money or becoming a burden to their children. A good plan can change that.
I worked with one widow who was nervous about helping her adult kids financially. Once we ran her numbers, she realized she could comfortably live on her income and still gift a modest amount each year. That clarity turned guilt into joy.
The financial industry often treats widowhood as a transaction. Transfer the account, sign the papers, and carry on.
But what widows need most is time, clarity, and a trusted voice to say, “Yes, you can afford this. Yes, you’re going to be okay.”
The research tells us widows are often resilient, sometimes even happier over the long term than their male counterparts, because they have community and connection. My experience tells me that when you combine that resilience with financial clarity, the path forward becomes less frightening.
Losing your spouse changes everything. But it does not mean you have to surrender control of your money or your future. Surround yourself with people you trust. Take the time you need before making big decisions. Get clear on the numbers. And remember that your financial plan should not make you feel small or powerless. It should give you the confidence to live, spend, and give with purpose.
At least Mary was left with a folder of account statements! My fear is that as everything is now paperless, widow(er)s are going to be left clueless as to what accounts may exist or what institutions to even check with!
Once a year I login to all my accounts and download all the monthly statements. At least having them on the family computer (not to mention a backup drive) would give family at least some hope of figuring it out.
A digital file with accounts, logins, and passwords would certainly help, as would the knowledge that this digital file exists and where to find it!
Really well done Robb.
Informative for women whose husband has managed the finances and the spouse has gone along with that.
Thanks Tom! It’s a surprisingly common situation where the finances (or at least the investments) are managed by the (typically) older male spouse. A plan for that spouse’s early death or slowdown in mental capacity would be beneficial.
Thanks Robb. Giving women the confidence to know that there is great information available and variety of expertise. A fee only advisor is a great option, not only to help run the numbers but also to provide a comprehensive plan for spending and moving forward in life.
Thanks Carla! Knowing you’re not alone can give the peace of mind to pick up the pieces and move on with life, difficult as that may be.
Every quarter I update the net worth spreadsheet for my wife and I and I studiously review it with her. Even though we are generally on paperless delivery of documents I still print out a copy of statements and bills and file them where my wife and family can find them.
I have not as yet (we are mid 60’s) discussed how she wants to manage our investments and bills if I was to pre-decease her or otherwise become incapable of managing our finances.
Hi Dave, that’s a good best practice for sure. An investment plan should definitely be added for DIYers in case they pass away first or become incapable of managing the investments at some point. I’m bias to think that an advice-only planner would be a good first step before deciding whether to continue to DIY, move to a robo-advisor, or hand things over to a full-service advisor.
I lost my son before I had my first discussion with Robb. While there were no assets to discuss, I too felt quite overwhelmed with finances.
Robb helped put the pieces together for our family and today, we have a sensible and stable plan for our family.
But it wasn’t the plan as much as it was our discussion that made me feel like I could get back on feet and right the ship after the loss.
Appreciate you so much, Robb.
Much love to you and your family, Ravi!
Rob, your content has been so valuable this year. You write clear
posts that the average person can understand. I have shared them with
many of my friends of every generation.
Thanks, always look forward to you next post.
Thank you for the kind words, Joyce. It means a lot. I’ve been inspired to write more this year and I’m so glad to hear the content is resonating so well with our readers.
Robb, my wife came home this morning from her pickle ball game and told me about a widow she was talking to who was having a terrible time with the CRA and TD bank. When her husband died, apparently TD sold the investments held in the husband’s RSP and put the proceeds into a taxable account. She is on the hook for a massive tax hit as a result, and can’t seem to connect with a human at either TD Direct or the CRA. I’m assuming if the husband had documented beneficiary documents with the bank, this could have been avoided.
Hi Doug, it’s tough to say without knowing the full story. That said, I just had a client who converted her small $50k RRSP to a RRIF this year (to begin systematic withdrawals in 2026), but then at my suggestion requested a small withdrawal of $2,000 before 2025 year-end. She was told this was not possible without collapsing the entire RRIF and paying tax on the entire $50k.
Another client received the proceeds from his mother’s RRSP when she died (he was direct beneficiary) and since no taxes were withheld he was told by the bank branch that he should make a personal RRSP contribution to offset the taxes he’d owe (!). Well, it’s true that taxes will need to be paid, but it’s his mother’s estate that will owe the tax. Making an RRSP contribution for himself would do nothing to solve that issue.
The point is, never trust the bank branch to make sound decisions when their employees don’t even know basic rules.
In your example, the wife should have been the husband’s beneficiary for the RRSP or successor annuitant for the RRIF. This might be amendable after the fact – I would certainly be filing a complaint with TD.
Great article. I was widowed in May when my husband died of a cruel dementia. He was the financial manager in our home and was excellent at it. But by the time I figured out that he could no longer do it, many major mistakes had been made. I don’t blame him, but taking over our finances has been a very steep and scary learning curve. Initially I lost sleep thinking I couldn’t manage it. Reaching out to trusted friends, reading blogs like yours, and listening to podcasts (Steadyhand and The Wealthy Barber) is really helping. I was told that widows are often overly generous, and one valuable piece of advice I got was not to give money to extended family until I do have a plan in place. So I’m working on that plan. Thanks for this article – it’s so true, and right on the money:)